Monday, October 6, 2014

It's called being a fan, Idiot

I recently came across one of the outrageously stupid blogs that clog up the internet. This one actually:

The title: The Dallas Cowboys Have the most Pathetically Delusional Fan Base in all of Sports. As you read this, it might be important to know that I am a Cowboys fan. The above mentioned blog was written by a Houston Texan's fan, whom the Cowboys were about to play...

Now, let me begin... You sir, who wrote that article, are an idiot. Not because you're wrong about Cowboys fans being delusional, God knows some of us are (me included), but because you don't know the concept of what being a sports fan is about in the first place! Every year, when the NFL season begins, every true fan has a hope, an expectation, that their team can be great in the upcoming season. If their team won its four pre-season games, then it means they are going to have a great season. If their team lost its four pre-season games, it doesn't mean anything, it's only pre-season, they are still going to have a great season. Every year, true fans have a hope that maybe, just maybe, we got this!

But I have met so-called fans like you before. You are too skeptical to trust your team, although you erroneously call it being smart. You watch games with your friends, maybe real fans, and the first thing you do is say this disclaimer: "We aren't going to win this game." You feel it protects you if you lose, because you already said you were going to so if a real fan says something to you if your team does lose, you can remind them about your disclaimer: "I said we were going to lose remember?" But if you win, you enjoy the gloating trash talking that should only be reserved for real fans.

You are the same type of people that go to a party where everyone is dancing, and you stand around complaining about how lame the party is and make fun of the people dancing. If you went to the party alone, you usually go home alone, if you went with someone, you are ridiculing the people that dance badly. But little did you know, but the person you went to the party with just wanted to dance! They wish they could go to a party with someone that had the courage to dance.

The sad reality is that you think its funny to make fun of others that enjoy themselves but we know that you really hate yourself for not having the love of life that they do. You hate the fact that you can't put yourself out there. You remember them smiling, joking, dancing, and having a great time...and it bothers you. When you see fans acting the same way, your little troll self writes articles about it.

If JJ Watt knew what type of fan you were, I think he would release you of any commitment you have to the Texans. He is a player that goes all out, shows his emotions, is passionate, and loves to play. I'm sure he would rather have fans that are the same, that go all out, show their emotions, are passionate about the Texans and love to watch them play.

The Cowboys have been an 8-8 team for three years in a row, of course you know this, you talk it about it all the time. You never talk about how good they were, you only bring up how bad they have been recently, which is incorrect. The Cowboys haven't been bad, they have been average. Yet Cowboy fans are still dancing and you can't understand for the life of you why! The Dallas Cowboys haven't been relevant in terms of contending for the Super Bowl in over a decade - yet, they still get Prime Time spots on Sports Center. Yet you still don't know why. (For you football fans, did you notice that I capitalized Prime Time?)

I'll tell you....THE DALLAS COWBOYS HAVE THE BEST FAN BASE IN THE NFL. I know I just insulted other fans but allow me to make my point, the reason why the Cowboys dominate the headlines is because the media understands that us Cowboy fans will read every article and watch every video about our team. Why else would the Cowboys get more air time than the Giants even after the G-Men won the super bowl? The Cowboys are on Sports Center today more than the Seahawks!

The Dallas Cowboys are the NFL's most valuable team at $3.2 billion. They are six hundred million dollars more valuable than the second most valuable team - six hundred million! What makes them so valuable? It's not the stadium - although we have the best stadium, it's not the cheerleaders - although we have the best cheerleaders, and it's not even the team...the reason they are the most valuable is because it has the MOST and BEST fans. Granted, there are other fan bases that are awesome, they travel and deserve to be mentioned...of course, I won't mention them here but they do deserve to be mentioned by someone else...I'm a Cowboys fan :)

This is the essence of the article I read: "How dare those Cowboy fans be happy! Their team sucks! They shouldn't be wearing their team jerseys, I don't wear my team jersey. Their owner shouldn't be their GM, - heck I don't even remember the last time the Texans' owner was mentioned on TV. Their QB shouldn't play in the fourth quarter  - although Romo leads the league in 4th quarter TD's in the last 3 years. Their Coach sucks - he's average. Their Defense was the worst defense in the league last year - (hey, you got one right!) They shouldn't be happy, their team is just going to end up letting them down. Watch. Their smiles are going to turn into tears and I am going to be so very happy!"

You don't think you are coming off a bit jerky? Wow. You will enjoy your life more if the Dallas Cowboys let their fans down? That's what makes you happy?

I mean...that's who you are the kick them when they're down type...

You sir, are an idiot. News flash, if you are a fan of any other team other than the Super Bowl winning team, your season will end with disappointment. The difference with real fans and fans like you is that you start the season with disappointment, ride that disappointment all throughout the season, and end with disappointment.

Here's a tip: Enjoy the ride. Be a real fan for once. Sure, you're season, like almost everyone else's will end in a loss, but learn to enjoy the season. You're team was 3-1 going and you predict to the world that they were going to lose. Worse, you say they are going to lose to a bad team. You actually wrote more about the Cowboys than the Texans! Which says a lot about you. Secretly, perhaps unbeknownst to you, YOU WANT TO BE A DALLAS COWBOYS FAN!

The worst news of all is, we don't want you. If you don't drink the Kool-Aid, we don't want you. If you don't chug it and feverishly lick the spillage off of the kitchen tile, we don't want you. Oh, and I'm not saying the Cowboys or the Cowboy fans don't want you, although they don't either. I'm saying that nobody wants you! You and people like you are not even fans! The word fan in this text is short for the word fanatic. You're a parasite, you feed off of real fans. If you think you are too self-righteous and intelligent to get just a little fanatic for your team, they don't want you!

Here's my advice, try being a fan. Try to believe that your team is going to win the next game. Stop grumbling, whining, and complaining and get out there on the dance floor and dance...even if you look ridiculous doing so. Why? You might just live a slightly happier life, and it sounds like you need all the happy you can get.

Oh ya, one more thing...don't mess with Cowboy fans...